Pervasive and critical software systems have dormant vulnerabilities that attackers can trigger and cascade to make the program act as a weird machine. In fact, they harbor exploitable programming models that can be used to compose vulnerabilities and mount attacks. This paper presents a type system to derive the abstract weird machines that programs expose. The type system tracks information flow types to detect vulnerabilities, and abstracts the control flow between vulnerabilities to capture weird machines. We formally prove that the inferred weird machine covers the weird runtime behaviors that the program can exhibit. The resulting machine can then be examined to detect patterns of attacks. An important observation is that attacks are often simple and recurring patterns. We model the abstract machines as regular expressions on vulnerability types. This abstract representation is platform-independent and can be used as a uniform description language for attacks. Further, language inclusion and similar decisions about regular expressions are remarkably more efficient than the same decisions for concrete programs or other formal languages.